Grief:
From the Old French grève, meaning heavy burden.
Mourning:
From the 9th century Old English murnan; was combined with “ing” in the 13th century; the act of sorrowing.
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Have you ever met someone that seemed to be “eternally grieving”? Someone that suffered a serious loss and let everyone know about it every day for the rest of their life?
Have you ever met someone that seemed “eternally optimistic”? Someone that you discover has experienced serious loss and tremendous life challenges, and yet they do not dwell on it?
Which type of person are you? What is it that allows one person to gain maturity and compassion and be able to see “gifts and miracles” while the other seems stuck in resentment and misery?
Having had the privilege of working with thousands of people over the years, both through personal acquaintances and in my life coaching business, I have found three main characteristics that the “glass half full” people all seem to have in common:
- Faith in God and the corresponding belief that there is a purpose and a plan behind all experiences in life.
- A belief that we are responsible to make choices in life and that our happiness is a choice.
- A positive personality that is both generous and forgiving.
Frankly, I had no idea if I would be one of those positive people when my own son died. At the time, I may not have been fully aware of how very fortunate I was that I had had the opportunity to work with so many people on grief prior to his death. I cannot tell you how many times during those first two years that I would find myself in another new situation and, without realizing I was doing it, I would remember a conversation or I would remember observing various people from both camps and I would then have insights into what choice I wanted to make in my own moment of decision.
I can tell you that all of the people that have gone before me and graced my path have had a tremendous impact on my healing journey. Often, those I perceived as stuck and resentful were as powerful a motivator in my choices as those I admittedly admired for their courage and strength in choosing the more positive path; especially when it is so easy to be negative. It is hard to be happy when you are hurting.
It all began August 8, 2006; just three days after my son had died (for my story, click here). I was sitting on the stump of the tree that he and I had chopped down that June when the thought came to me…”I am the same person that I was three days ago.”
There was one part of me that angrily argued with that thought. “HOW could that be? I will never be the same person!” Now, I decided many years ago that when my first response to a thought is to argue, it must be a Godly or inspired thought. After all, why would I argue with myself? That was my clue that it was my ego resisting an opportunity to have a miracle. (I believe that all miracles are simply a change in perception that brings about a loving or healing experience.)
Once I had chosen to see this thought as a gift of inspiration, that part of me that I call my spirit or higher Self was free to receive and explore the inspiration. I understood that the core person, the “me” that existed outside of the role as Devin’s Mother was indeed unchanged.
It was that day that I made perhaps the most profound decision of my life. I decided to be the observer of this process of grief. I decided that I would challenge every common belief I had about grief.
My sincere desire is that as you read them you will begin to recognize the sound of your own higher Self. That part of you that is always there, but easily overlooked. I truly believe that when we take on the role of observer in our life experiences we begin to see that our thoughts do create our experiences. If you want to experience more grace and ease in your life, whether you are grieving or not, choosing the role of observer can empower you in ways you may never have imagined.
Chances are, if you are reading this, you or someone you know has suffered loss. If you have not yet had the experience, remember that one day you will. This site will be here with resources and insights that can help you with the grieving and mourning process.
My web site and book can help you get through your first very distressing and shaky days to a place of inner peace, healing and new understanding. It contains articles, audios and videos of things that I have observed thus far on my journey as well as how I have been able to help my clients define grief before it could define or reduce them.
Thanks for visiting my web site!
